DEMONS

(Depression)

I wish I could express my feelings.

I have an emptiness, a gap of sorts

I feel that I am on an abyss or a crater,

A nothingness, nor distant thoughts.

I seem to be waiting, sitting at the edge

Waiting, waiting which is not much fun,

Sitting, watching. Sitting. Waiting on a ledge

Just waiting, waiting for the starter's gun.

It is a thing without feelings. Emotions dead.

Oblivion.... A lonely...... but unfeeling thing

But yet....tearful... Empty. A muddled head.

It has no kick, ...no electricity nor ......sting.

So sad........So empty...... with nothingness.

What is this cold, black shadows smirking?

It is not like me.......to feel ...........like this

Is it death......that is near by......lurking?

At least I am back to writing some prose.

Maybe I have lost touch with my God!

That is a thought............Who knows?

Even nature is so distant, strange and quiet.

I hate this emotionless, unfeeling thing,

I am just shut off into a negative night.

I want to be bright, happy and full of fun

To be full of laughter, energy and song

To feel the warmth and touch of the sun

It is like when my dear friend Gay died

But this atmosphere's not quite as heavy

Just sad. .....Still......quiet and stone cold

Dark grey and black......long and steady.

Is it death....or...just a closing of a page?

Maybe another chapter will begin soon.

Neither. I wish for... but I am...no sage,

Nor do I hope for I am no nut...or lune.

Maybe it is just a long, cold dreary winter

A sorting of emotions.......growing pains

For no one...bloody well cares anyway

No body feels for others they're too vain.

All dashing about doing their own thing

While you are cast......out on that ledge

Sitting....watching...waiting, unsmiling.

No laughter....just sitting on the edge.

A person must reach....one's own low

Before they can climb... to their high

How else will we.... understand...Know.

To experience depression depths....Sigh!

LACK OF SENSES

D0eth the habit of drink
help lack the senses?
Repetition of speech and
of memory lapse.
Anger and change of personality.
Mood swings and tempers flared
tiredness and irritability
Sulks, sits in chair and naps.

Tobacco smoke another curse
for non smokers air polluted,
answer "so what its my space too
so YOU get use to it."
Nothing more contraceptive
than drink and smoke

with tobacco breath with
touch of whiskey, and sad wit.

.

POET'S DILEMMA-

Ah! Poor Poet full of woe
who speaks in prose
and not in rhyme.
So full of hurt of human kind
thou spirit crushed
and fleeting soul
with bewildered brain and mind.

Thou partners have flown
their patience well spent
and we wonder why
for no tempers had flared
The time had come
and they have gone
with shrugged shoulders
left with an empty bed.

Blogging

I do this to let off my steam of frustrations
If you want to peek into my insight you may!
Do not criticize how I feel or think as I am an individual
My school days were over Yonks ago.
I write as I feel and what I believe.
Some people write on their woes of misfortune
So why can't I. Not all our days are full of laughter
We would be incarcerated if that was so.
Some of our misfortunes were bought on by our stupidity
Weren't they? We should of seen the light moons ago
Ah! But that is life.

The Crucifixion Of Jesus Christ

He was taken and cruelly crucified
on top of the Calvary Hill
Where his blood flowed to save us from
sin. I remember it well.
I was just a small fair-haired, scruffy lad
then, not quite seven
He was screaming in pain and was crying
for his Father in Heaven.
I'd overheard my elderly parents talking,
while feeding my old hen
They'd said "That he was a good man
who did miracles on men.
A fine, caring, handsome gentle man who
was clean living and tall.
He attended Solomon's Temple, a practising
Jew of the Torah and all."
He always spoke to the crowds in Parables
to help explain God's Law
and telling us "That if we carried them out
Heaven was an open door."
Once when the people were hungry he fed
them on some bread and fish
He told his disciples that there was enough
for a thousand on that dish.
One day at Lake Galilee, his faith was strong
enough to walk on water.
People believed in him when he healed a Leper
and someones daughter.
He had many followers, but his special friends
all men that numbered twelve
for there were many witnesses in the crowd
with whose mind he delved.
He loved small children and he made friends
with a Martha and Mary,
We all sang and danced for the Lord as he
was always happy and merry.
On many occasions he performed miracles
but that's another long story
but as a very young fair-haired lad I witness
his death and it was gory.


The Judgement.

I was at the old market place with my mother's
old goat cheese selling
It was there when I heard an angry crowd
loudly teasing and yelling
I curiously walked over to the people and
on tip toe I tried to peek
where I saw that it was this gentle fellow
Jew that they did seek.
He was stumbling about and his poor thorn
crowned head was bleeding,
his hands were bound and around his
neck a hemp rope was leading
to a courtyard of the Roman Governor,
the soldiers were him dragging,
there I witnessed the jealous Sadducee's
and Jewish Leaders bragging.
Towards the marble Palace of the Roman
Pontius Pilate they took him
.An angry Pilate washed his hands as he
found him wanting and was grim
bewildered he handed him over to the yelling
crowd for them to choose
and the crowd were swayed and picked the
rebel Barabbas to be loose.
They spat on the gentle Jewish friend and
with the whip they did flog,
There I stood crying as I watched them
beat him hard like a poor dog.
I could not understand why they hated him
for he had done no wrong
but I was pushed aside and struggled to stay
amongst that moving throng.
He was bleeding and staggering about
with the rough wooden cross
then a big African stepped forward and
took over as if he was a Boss
to help relieve this suffering, quiet gentle
man of this terrible burden.
On the cobbled Way the angry people
still were jeering, making a din,
He walked with his sad, kind eyes glanced
down, not a word he spoke
so deep in thought oblivious to the words
of the people who did gloat
with bleeding sore feet he reached the Calvary
Hill where people died.
Then Simon Cyrene lay the cross down on
which our friend was tied
He quietly winced in pain as the rusty metal
nails were roughly driven
into his palms of his hands and the arches of
his feet, no mercy given.
I sobbed and called my friend's name out
loud, for I was that child
whom he gathered to sit on his knee and
had called meek and mild.

The Crucifixion

To lift the heavy rugged wooden cross
it took Roman soldiers four
there they placed him between the two
men who had broken the Law.
This forgiving man spoke to the two dangerous
criminals at his very side
then he prayed to his Father and the Angels
in heaven until he died.
At the bottom of the cross his Mother
Mary stood there quietly crying
with his aunt and Mary Magdalene, she
watched her son up there dying.
The armoured Roman soldiers were
crouched by the bonfires gambling
for my friend's woolen robe and leather
sandals. Drunk and rambling.
Suddenly, some strange and frightening
things in the sky began to happen
and I became so scared and with my
knees knocking and my body shaken
I was too frightened to move, for my
skinny legs were paralysed with fright
for the clouds gathered and began to
thunder as the day turned to night.
The red earth became alive and began
to dance, to shudder, toss and turn
then the rocks were split in two and the
tall trees began to sway and churn.
Bewildered people were filled with horror
and began to scream and run
to tell you the truth it was extremely
frightening and was not much fun.
People claimed to see the Ghosts of
Prophets come from their graves
and walk on the cobbled streets but
not me I ran and hid in the caves.
When the earth stood still, I ran as
fast as I could, on home to mum
to tell her that Christ had been crucified
and to death he had succumb.
His followers asked Pilate if they could
bury Jesus Christ and they did
In their Jewish way, but in a borrowed
cold tomb with a heavy stone lid.
but three days and nights later, the tomb
was empty as he had foretold
just like the old testament, another testament
with new stories will unfold.
His remaining disciples said, "That Jesus
Christ had conquered death
and he had entered their room appearing
to them all, with living breath."
He continued to perform many other
miracles but that is another story
but when I was a small child, I witnessed
his death and it was very gory.

by B.A.C.

Empty Beds

We all have our problems;
which end up with Empty Beds.
Partners with thick skulls
that do not take heed.
Talk, talk is cheap. No one listening
To the others needs
Too wrapped in their own emotions
which ends up in empty beds,
We give up in despair, cry and scream
We shake our tired, be muddled heads
and finally have no option but to move on.

Nature,Peace and Country.

I crave to walk and see the trees
in all of their seasons
Green grass, the cool air on the face.
I don't need a reason.
The country folk are nature's people.
Rosy, healthy and free.
Pale city cousins are complicated,
nervous, irritable you see.

The city is full of the noises of cars,
the trains and people
the country has birds, cows and
the odd church steeple
City cousins rush to and fro, with
a frown on determined face
Country folk are early rises,
sing and work at their own pace.

Towns; the cities and the Capital are
full of the man made things
Seaside; country and mountain tops
are created by God not beings.
City has noise of trains and sirens.
It smells of exhaust, oil and dust.
Ambulances; fire engines; horns;
traffic lights. They all turn to rust.

There will be man made inventions,
that will replace our nature soon.
the computer will replace human,
now rockets have landed on the moon?
Now there are frozen corpses in refrigerators,
in store for some new cure.
Has Mankind lost their reasoning?
Does he think he is God and so pure?

Mankind has forgotten that he is not immortal.
When you die, you are dead.
The Soul will leave the body not required and
goes to Hell or Heaven instead
Anyway who the hell wants to be frozen and
be bought back to life a zombie?
Twenty to fifty years later, all your friends
have passed on, alone you will be.

Your brain would not cope with new inventions.
Everything would be strange
The Modern way of life would be foreign and
quite out of your minds range.
The automobile would have gone, replaced
by strange transport run on vacuum
Your holidays would be to the Moon or Mars.
your brain would have a tantrum.

Future City folk would be far too complicated
with inventions from out of space
They would be creating a false new World and
the hours of time will soon race.

All that I want and desire, is the peace in the
country that is fresh and green
I hope to pass my time doing many things,
surrounded by pure air that is clean.
A special time in my world of silence and peace,
to write poetry; do craft and paint
To Spin sheep's wool and weave colourful carpets.
Surrounded by love and not hate.

Think a for moment. To just having time to sit in
the shade of an old willow tree
To be able go fishing; to have picnics and swim
with friends; That is the life for me.
To be able to grow your own organic vegetables
and have many flowers in a garden,
to have many a good book to read; no bother of time.
No burdens nor a worry laden.

The way of the busy City life is not for me, for
I am a country person at heart
For I am a lover of mother nature.
So I will have a country grave when I part.



(When living on your own, you have lots of time to think and argue with your own reasoning. It helps to put it down on paper in words. You think you are going crazy with so much time on your hands to think. This is a little peep at how the imagination and brain works.
This poem was written in 1974 while living in Wellington and I was very home sick)

Sour Lemons and Sweet Roses

Sour Lemons and Sweet Roses
is about life itself.
We all have to Clamber over rocks at some time in life and somehow we fall into sinking sand
But IF we can survive some of us can come out the other side with a calmer attitude to life.
I hate people that say "life is what you make it!" Poppy Cock and that's been polite. These people have had life FAR too easy. They don't know the Sh.t what they are talking about. What about the Ballet Dancer or Athlete that is left crippled was that their desire???
Some people get a raw deal not of their own making. They didn't ask for it, other people made their life's difficult. Its how you handle life and face the difficulties that is handed to you. It's your attitude that keeps you from drowning.
When I read the book "The Present" I felt like screaming as I hated where I was at. I was trapped. Not from my own making, it was what life had handed me at that "Present".
I do believe in Angels as I sure had someone watching over me to keep me in the right direction. If you haven't been down and I mean REALLY DOWN you can't understand where other people are at. Sometime you have to cut your loses and have the GUTS to walk away and start again. And that is a lot harder to do than you think.
Suicide was an option, but share determination and a false sense of humour got me through. You hear so many people say "I saw him yesterday and he was so cheerful. Why did he commit suicide?" He put on a cheery brave face to his friends , but underneath he was screaming his heart out. You couldn't help him, because he didn't know how to help himself . He was trapped with no way out. My heart felt sorrow for these poor souls. I understand their turmoil. Thank God I had the sense to seek help from the right sources. It's a B...gger when no one is listening, they hear you but they aren't listening. I'm certain that Anger is a seed of frustration.
You have to reach ones lows before you can understand and have some compassion. Thanks to GOD for friends they can carry you through to the other side. I was lucky enough to survive the sour lemons and see the sunshine and appreciate nature and life and the sweet roses.